I asked the question to my Facebook friends, “Those of you who have been married a long time– what pearls of wisdom would you want to share with engaged couples?”
Their answers were perfect.
Love is a choice, not a feeling. You may not like each other every day, but you make a choice to love each other every day.
Don’t be so quick to give up! It won’t always be easy, but it’s worth working for!
Marriage is work. If you want it to work out, you have to work hard at it. You get out of marriage what you put in to it. Keep the lines of communication open at all times. Remember to “talk to” each other and not “at each other.” Have lots of fun!
Marriages go through seasons– some are great while others are hard. Enjoy the great seasons and hang on tight during the tough ones.
Take trips and travel just the two of you when you can. It’s not easy, but it’s always worth it.
Be kind one to another.
Marriage is not 50/50. Marriage is 100/100. You can’t come to a conclusion by being right; you come to a conclusion by coming to an understanding.
Discover each other’s love language and learn to speak it well! ( The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman)
I love you. I was wrong . I’m sorry. Please forgive me.
Marriage is not a role play. Be yourself and root for each other.
Always love and respect one another and fight fair. When disagreements arise, don’t call names, rehash things that happened in the past or criticize them personally. Remember they are your best friend and should be treated that way.
Marriage isn’t static, it either gets better or worse, you choose each day which it will be. Also, marriage isn’t to make us happy, it’s to make us Holy.
Choose to forgive each day.
Just because you CAN say something doesn’t mean you SHOULD say something.
Hard work pays off even in a marriage.
When we got married we were advised to go to bed at the same time every night. Almost 10 years in we’re still doing this and it’s one of our favorite times of the day! Time to talk, pray, watch a funny YouTube video together…It’s not even about sex, it’s about connecting and ending the day together no matter what has happened in it.
I always liked what Ruth Graham said – that her marriage was made of two sinners who forgave each other and never gave up on each other.
Soon to be wife – Please note: men are simple creatures. If you can remember this primary difference between the sexes – it puts most every annoying thing your husband will do in the proper perspective. He didn’t walk by that basket of unfolded laundry because he thought it was ‘your job’ to fold it – he walked by it because he’s a simpleton who was probably too busy contemplating whether or not he could drop a NASCAR engine into the minivan to even recognize that the basket of laundry was there in the first place.
Before we got married a husband told me being married was the best thing ever. A few minutes later his wife said it was the hardest thing ever. I thought these were two opposing views on the opposite ends of the spectrum only to find out later that they are really the same thing.
Find a couple 10-15 years older than you and have dinner once a month and just talk about life. Over time they will become your best friends even though they are older … simply because they give you perspective on marriage issues. Other than that, it’s pretty simple… he needs to TALK more and she needs to have more SEX!
Marriage is a covenant relationship, not a contract. Learn what that means (for help, see Tim Keller’s book The Meaning of Marriage) and keep Christ the mediator of that covenant between you and your spouse.